So, let me preface this with: I have always been intrigued by sex toys. Mostly my intrigue comes from Women’s sex toys. The main reason being, I find it interesting that Women have toys where they literally can just sit, stand, or lay down with said toy and let it do all the work.(yes this is subjective)
Men on the other hand have a much smaller selection of sex toys available for them and most of them require a lot of effort. Now I don’t know about you but I have always wanted a sex toy that did all the work for me like a woman’s did! I didn’t want to tire out my arm with a toy. The idea of the word TOY itself means FUN, not work!
I was lucky enough to review The Real Touch when it came out and let me tell you that thing was out of this world. Getting over the fact that I had to stick my manlyhood into a machine with rotating parts, belts, and heating parts, it was quite the experience that you can read about here.
WAIT WAIT WAIT… why the hell is there the start of a sex toy review on a gaming community site?!?!?!
Oh, give me a break, you are trying to tell me if you grew up in my generation you didn’t fill over half your harddrive with PORN and the other half with games? Pfftt lying sack of…. I digress. But on a serious note this thing is made of future. The tech to create this is just impressive and lends itself to our constant obsessions with the latest video card upgrades and the like.
So what is The Vorze A10 Cyclone?
Well this is how they market it:
THE WORLDS FIRST SEXUAL HOME APPLIANCE.
Enough propaganda let’s hold our breath, pray a little if you are the religious type(even if not it might be worth a moment of silence), and stick our dick in it!
Ok so intriguing, to say the least, marketing aside; The Vorze A10 Cyclone, which sound like it might be named after a blender or newest military jet fighter, is nothing short of a mystical adventure wrapped around your manlyhood.
After already getting familiar with these new age sex machines, I was a lot less weary to get started with this one and believed I would not lose my penis or skin around it by trying it. Here is what I was sent to try:
Well props on packaging at least, this thing looks like some sort of Mabeline high end face cleanser!
So let’s open it up:
Leave it to rends to really nail the design on their 3rd iteration of this thing. It is built solid, albeit huge. It has a magnet top with a soft rubber lining to keep it from hurting you.
The insert goes into an external casing that you put into the device and it also gets held in by magnets. And the casing itself is where all the electronics are stored!
Time to power it on!
Ya know when you start to do reviews for multiple sex toys you learn to turn the thing on before you are naked. You want to make sure
A: It doesn’t explode
B: There is no smoke coming out of it
C: You can stick your finger in it first without losing a nail or knuckle skin
I was actually PLEASANTLY surprised by the feeling it gave me when I tested it on my brave hand. It felt smooth, soft, and unlike the Real Touch and as advertised, extremely quiet.
Yes my cats can sleep while I roll my eyes back into the back of my head! Although they will actually just think nothing is happening and try to lay in my lap… awkward!
However here is where me and my new robotic female companion ran into some issues. It wouldn’t turn on after my first test. Turns out you need to fully charge the thing before you start even though it lights up and says it is on, it is running on a very low amount of power. So I went to plug in the power supply as I remorsefully pulled my pants back up, only to be greeted by this:
(and my sudden urge to cut and clean my nail..)
The power supply and plug on this thing is extremely flimsy(which was odd considering the build quality on this thing was extremely solid all around). I think it was made this way to keep the entire device water resistant, but it makes having a backup power supply a MUST. You can bend and break this thing by breathing on it wrong. I started to think that maybe it was easier to just invite a significant other over, but realized you need to charge them too, with foreplay and coffee or lobster dinners, depending on the time of day.
Well anyway, I let it charge and started to check out all the different “sleeves”.
Inserts is where this thing shines:
The complete list of inserts are here:
This is quite the selection, which is something the Real Touch didn’t offer, diversity. However that machine didn’t really need it with the way the belts, heating, and lube worked.
However this is something that adds a new an exciting experience every time you use it. I highly recommend the “Crystal” one. It seems to be the best balance of pleasure and softness. Others I have spoken with like the “master” as well.
Here are some reviews with pictures of the inside of each sleeve:
The Charge is Complete
Ok the device was finally fully charged, I had successfully installed all the software, and stuck my finger into every insert provided! I think it is game time. I grab a bottle of the lube and prepare my mind, as is always needed when sticking your manlyhood into any machine with moving parts.
So you have two options:
- Run the device using the controls on the device itself to have 70 different combinations of movement and speed
- Connect the device via bluetooth and a dongle to your computer and sync it with your favorite porn
Well OF COURSE I PICKED #2!
I start the video… the machine starts up… and holy shit. This thing is not like what I was used to with the Real Touch, which literally made me jump out of it the first time I tried. It was like having my “member” surrounded in soft clouds that were in a tornado made of pillows. It was so gentle, it was almost caressing me. And even though it only spins left and right, my brain was tricking me to think it was matching what I saw on the screen be it a blowjob or sex. My mind was blown. Me I hadn’t yet. 😛
I found issues with the videos they provided working and also being too gentle so I immediately went to the website for custom scripts that i used for the Real Touch and found they had a Vorze section! And some of my favorite videos were already cross compatible! That website is: http://realtouchscripts.com/
I downloaded a video and script file and loaded it up, holy crap. This thing was amazing. It was so different than anything I had ever felt. Not only was it soft and pleasureable but it was just enough pleasure to not give me the feeling that if I stayed in the thing that I would chaff or rip my dick off. It was a building pleasure. The longer I stayed in the more I was impressed by the inserts and their ribbed textures.
If the porn star licked the bottom of the mans penis you felt as if that was happening even though the sleeve covers all of you and only rotates. Don’t get me wrong it was not as accurate as the Real Touch was but it was almost more pleasurable due to the fact that you were not scared for your own well being if the porn star on the screen got crazy. The encoding on these videos that translated to this device was scary, in the best way possible. Well, a few minutes later, all other thoughts were out the window, and it was over just as soon as it started.
You literally have only one thought when it is all done, “Ok I need to do that again!” and probably “Do I have a sandwich I can eat to recharge?!”
My second go I tried the manual controls and just watched any video I wanted adjusting the buttons as I went.
It was actually really nice to be able to not have to search for a new video that was encoded and just watch whatever you like and have the machine do its thing. While the motions are somewhat limited and repetative, they have a way of sneaking up on you and the outcome is the same, a smile, a bit of shame, and some weird noises coming out of your mouth as the toy continues to move past the point you would conciously do if you were taking care of business yourself. The sounds you emote are similar to a combination of a squealing baby pig and “What does the fox say”.
The Shame Ease of Cleanup
With the Real Touch I often wouldn’t want to use the damn thing because cleanup was such a pain in the ass and every time you cleaned it you were literally breaking your device slowly from teh inside out. The water could seep through the housing and hit the gears inside, which… as you can imagine will rust it. And no one wants to get a blowjob from someone with rust in their mouth. But the amazing this about this device is you can just remove the Sleeve and Sleeve holder from the main part of the machine with ease, via a magnet system, go over the the bathroom sink and wash it out with ease, never exposing the electronic parts to rust educing water!(seriously, why no one at Real Touch figured this out before is beyond me, and the hopes of their second iteration that was supposed to resolve that might just be a pipe dream since they stopped production and cannot find backers for their products)
The Vorze and the FUTURE:
Ok so why not take this one step further? We have all heard about the Oculus Rift have we not?
Have you also heard of the already peaked interest of the porn industry to developing for this device? “Augmented-reality porn in development for the Oculus Rift” .
Now imagine if you might, the combination of Augmented Reality via the Oculus Rift combine with the Real Touch. MIND BLOWING(teehee).
Then take it one step further… Imagine a way to get the interaction of the Joystick, the Real Touch, and the Oculus Rift to work together for one of the most amazing Cam shows you have ever experienced or for the troops or your long distance girlfriend, one of the most amazing intimate virtual experiences.
The possibilities are truly endless here.
So here are my conclusions after a month with this device.
The not so good:
The device has an expensive introduction fee but due to it’s settings designed to let you use it without purchasing scripts and open source nature, you have much more opportunity to get free content for your device. Specially from the contributors at http://realtouchscripts.com/they even have their own encoder where you can script your own videos called The One Touch Scripter.
The Very Good:
- Masturbation will NEVER be the same, no seriously… you won’t want to do it manually ever again. As a guy to not have to do ANYTHING and get the experience it provides is our egotistical wet dream.
- The way this thing softly caresses you is almost dream like. That cloud pillow filled tornado is amazing and because of the way our brains are wired makes the experience extremely realistic even if it just turns left and right.
- Multiple options for sleeve inserts to give you different experiences every time and for every video.
- Easy cleanup. I cannot stress enough how this is a huge plus factor. This is even easier to clean than a fleshlight. Plus due to the build design it will not rust the device and if you wear out a sleeve you can easily replace it for a few bucks versus the entire machine.
- Open Source Scripting and easy scripting tools.
- You can make your own Vorze videos which could lead to… say, a personal sex tape with you and your partner for those times when they are not around.
- Excellent build quality.
- Mac support.
- It truly is quiet as hell.
- Did I mention how this thing truly does feel amazing?
There are two lubricants you can buy:
One created just for the Vorze:
This has a smooth texture to it, almost like a lotion rather than a lubricant. It feels wonderful, but also needs to be re-applied often.
Then you have the best of the best called Peace’s made by Rends as well:
It is literally the longest lasting, slipperiest lube I have ever used in my life. Here is an image that is extremely accurate of how it works:
I suggest this lube over any other even for “other activities”. But for these machines that don’t know the word “ow” I would suggest this because you don’t need to re-apply often if at all.
I cannot praise this thing enough. While it has some short comings(pun pun pun), it seems Rends is actively working to improve their product and what it offers. Their excellent customer service is a great indicator of how they care for their customers in the long term not just the upfront price tag. The high price tag may turn some off but for what it achieves it is truly a worthwhile investment for those who need a taste of future when it comes to Sex Products. It will never replace the real thing but it does create the real thing 2.0 and replaces/ruins normal masturbation forever.
I highly recommend you get your hands on this product so you can finally take your hands off!