VacuGlide 2: The Smartest Machine to Ever Suck You Off

“Slow, Steady, Unstoppable” as I said in my VacuGlide V1 review, but – Now with an AI Twist

There’s “hands-free,” and then there’s 14‑pound industrial vacuum piston that politely steals your soul through your junk. VacuGlide lives in that second category.

The original VacuGlide already nailed a very specific fantasy: clamp in, hit start, and let a vacuum piston milk you in slow, hypnotic strokes until your brain forgets how legs work. Version 2 doesn’t touch that core magic. Same aluminum tower, same hoses, same gliding suction that feels more like being slowly devoured than “jerked.”

What changes with VacuGlide 2 is everything wrapped around that core: smarter speeds, actual modes, AI-powered edging, video sync, remote control, and an online ecosystem that turns a very good milking machine into a full-on pleasure platform.

Think of VacuGlide 1 as the brutally simple, no‑nonsense milker. VacuGlide 2 is that same beast… after it went off to tech school, learned Wi‑Fi, picked up a personality, and came back with opinions.

Once the world gets their hands on this and the third party sites and scripters pull it all apart, this is poised to be the best sex toy to hit the market since The Handy!

Same Beast, Better Brain

Let’s start with what didn’t change, because that matters.

Physically, VacuGlide 2 is basically identical to the first one:

• Same chunky aluminum chassis that looks like lab equipment.
• Same receiver tubes and sleeves (small, medium, large).
• Same side valve to control how tight or “long” the stroke feels.
• Same very not-discreet footprint that lives in a backpack when not in use.

The important part: the feel is still that slow, deep, suction-based motion. Not a little motor going “brrrr” on a shaft. Not a belt dragging a sleeve. This is the whole tube calmly sliding up and down because air is literally pushing and pulling the sleeve around you.

Noise-wise, it’s still more like a soft exhale than a power tool. Porn audio stays audible. Roommates stay blissfully unaware. The milking vibe of V1 is intact – VacuGlide 2 just gives that same sensation way more ways to play.

Offline Glow-Up: More Speeds, Actual Modes, Better Control

Even if the VacuGlide 2 never touches the internet, it’s a much better machine than the original.

20 Speeds, From “Barely Moving” to “Okay, Chill”

VacuGlide 1 gave 10 speeds that started at “kinda slow” and went up to “this is a lot.” VacuGlide 2 doubles that to 20 levels and stretches the range in both directions.

• The new low end is ridiculous in a good way. Around 10 strokes per minute. That’s a stroke every six seconds. Perfect for edging, denial, or just being a little bit mean.
• Top speed gets a small bump. It’s only a bit faster than V1 at max, but when a vacuum piston is pumping at ~200+ strokes per minute, the difference mostly shows up as “oh, wow, that escalated.”

The main win is granularity. The steps between speeds feel more precise now. Finding that sweet “just enough stimulation to keep things simmering” spot is actually possible instead of constantly overshooting.

“Experiences”: Built-In Routines So You’re Not Button-DJ’ing

VacuGlide 1 was basically: pick a speed, ride it. If you wanted variation, you were the variation.

VacuGlide 2 introduces 30 stroking “Experiences” – pre-programmed routines that ramp, pause, tease, or edge automatically. Some slowly climb from crawling to frantic and then drop back to the bottom. Others pulse, stutter, or throw in little “gotcha” pauses that yank you out of the edge right when things are about to tip over.

A few of these modes also mess with the air valve on their own. That means sometimes the stroke feels longer and looser, sometimes it tightens up and clamps down, sometimes there are those delicious little suction “pops” that make it very clear this thing really has you.

Is the on-device UI for switching between these modes intuitive? Absolutely not. More on that circus later. But once an Experience is set as the default, VacuGlide 2 can absolutely run a whole session by itself while the human just groans into a pillow.

Online Chaos: AI, Remote Play, and Porn That Fights Back

Where VacuGlide 2 really mutates from “machine” into “platform” is when it goes on Wi‑Fi.

Fire up the web app in a browser, connect the machine, and suddenly there’s a control room.

Autopilot: Let the Robot Edge You

Autopilot is exactly what it sounds like: set a few sliders, hit Start, and let the machine decide how the session goes.

It asks for things like:

• Overall intensity
• Edge Control (Which is so freakin confusing, not because it doesn’t work but because it is clear an engineer not a human wrote this description!) What the actual F does Plateau and my orgasm have in common!?!? I need “Blood is in my dick at this moment, click this button for FAST, SLOW, HARD, SOFT” Not “Plateau” by Jeeves.

• Whether it’s allowed to play with the valve during the session

Then it builds a whole pattern around that. Slow burns, surprise bursts, rude little pauses, escalating waves: all without anyone touching a button.

When it finally becomes too much, there’s a big FINISH ME button in the app. Hit that and the machine shifts into “okay, show’s over” mode and drives straight into orgasm. Whether this is what you want is up in the air, I wish it was more customizable.

The feature is well intentioned. The language in the UI… less so. Words like “plateau” and “pause interval” feel like a medical chart. What it’s really asking is: “Do you want gentle teasing, intense edging, or full-on ruin-me?” Once the jargon is decoded, Autopilot becomes one of the most powerful parts of VacuGlide 2, but could use some tweaking to make it feel more… I dunno… randomize and or intentional. Like hey Auto Pilot, I want you to fucking DESTROY ME but through slow accelerations!” And with the update-able firmware and upgrades to this bad boy, I have no doubt we will see it in the future, be it through AutoBlow’s site or Third party apps!

AI Companion: Sexting That Bites Back

There’s also an AI chat companion baked into the same web interface. Pick a persona, start chatting, and the toy responds as the conversation heats up, or kinda fizzles… SUSAN.

Dirty talk isn’t new. Dirty talk that literally changes stroking speed and suction? That’s where things get surreal.

The actual language is what you’d expect from modern AI – porn cliché with occasional weirdness – but the novelty of “say something, feel something” hits hard. It feels less like pressing buttons and more like giving orders the machine decides how to interpret.

But my god… make it give us visuals… So Stark!

Totally optional, extremely extra, in need of a human touch, but very on brand for a toy that already looks like a sci‑fi milking rig.

Remote Control & Sharing

Because everything runs through a web app, control isn’t limited to the physical buttons anymore.

A phone, tablet, or laptop can act as a remote instead of fumbling for the base unit. A secure link can hand the controls to someone else entirely.

Handing over the “launch codes” to a partner and letting them play with speeds and modes in real time is its own kind of kink. Especially when they decide to start it while there’s a mid-sentence moment on camera. This is probably my favorite feature I can’t take full advantage of because I am single and review sex toys…

Video Sync and Third-Party Support

VacuGlide 2 can sync its motion to adult videos using the official Autoblow library. It doesn’t do millimeter‑precise, frame‑perfect scripting the way some toys do; instead it tracks intensity and tempo.

Fast action on screen? The machine speeds up. Slow, teasing moments? It backs off. The feel is more like riding the energy of the video than matching every individual thrust.

On paper, the openness of the device makes it a natural fit for communities like EroScripts and community tools like FapTap and SyncMo – sites and apps that serve funscripts or use AI to watch any video and generate motion on the fly. In theory, that combo turns any clip into interactive content. Let me recommend you go and support this Funscript Artist “Eternal Enigma” as your first try with custom scripts and the Vacuglide, their latest Samus story feels like it was programmed for this. (review coming soon)

In practice, at the time of many of those integrations are not actually working yet with VacuGlide 2. FapTap and SyncMo don’t reliably see or drive the device out of the box, so all of that remains “future potential” rather than something that can be recommended right now. But a Funscript like the above can be loaded and Cock Heros and other videos feel great.

Minus the fact that it isn’t truly supporting the machine’s air release valve and when you load a video it feels like whatever it was set at at time of loading the Funscript. Either we need a setting on this video page to set intervals for the valve or we need better Funscripts that can control it. The hardware feels a step ahead of the wider ecosystem; once the software catches up, it’s going to get dangerous.

Future integrations:

Me personally, I don’t want paywalled platforms and for things to be friendly for the modding world (not sure what the API protocols are, like will this work with the offline program Script Player eventually). With all the new face ID legal nonsense, those sites are already a headache. The big win with stuff like FapTap and offline Script Player is how easy it is to connect existing toys with a simple click, even if those sites do not last forever the funscripts and videos live in our libraries. That kind of convenience matters.

Note: VacuGlide 2 officially advertises VR support through major platforms, but this review is based on non‑VR testing only.

The Big Question: Is VacuGlide 2 Really That Different?

VacuGlide 1 vs VacuGlide 2 – Comparison at a Glance

Here’s where things actually shake out when putting the two generations side by side.

Everything that made VacuGlide 1 special is still here: the suction-based stroke, the heft, the weirdly industrial kink of it all. VacuGlide 2 just layers on control, variety, and connectivity in ways that make the original feel a bit barebones by comparison.

If the fantasy is “strap in and let a machine handle the entire evening,” Version 2 is much better at that job.

Suction, Sleeves, and the Black Seal of Destiny

A couple of accessories quietly turn VacuGlide 2 from “very good” into “oh, okay, that’s new religion.”

The Black Vacuum Seal Ring

There’s a little accessory that sits over the mouth of the cup: a black rubber seal that tightens the entrance and locks in airflow. It’s simple – just a ring – but it dramatically cuts down on leaks around the base, keeps the receiver planted even at slow speeds or if things soften for a bit, and makes suction feel fuller and more consistent from stroke to stroke.

With the seal on, VacuGlide stops behaving like a very good toy and starts behaving like it’s personally offended that there hasn’t been a climax yet. Orgasms get deeper, longer, and more “pulled out of you” in that milking way.

This is that “amazing little cap” accessory that quietly steals the show. It really should be included by default. If VacuGlide 2 is being driven without this ring, a lot of its potential is being left on the table.

When I say this thing sucks, I mean it is the best thing ever to meet the VacuGlide. The damn thing won’t let go of my dick no matter what I do, how hard I set the seal or vacuum. It’s incredible!!!!!! I need extras if this ever breaks!

Silicone vs Latex Sleeves

By default, VacuGlide ships with silicone sleeves: textured, ribbed, durable, easy to clean, and great for a general‑purpose intense blowjob feel with a bit of cushion.

They also have a habit, at higher suction and longer sessions, of feeling like the machine is determined to win a wrestling match. That ribbed texture plus strong vacuum can sometimes leave things a little overworked afterward: not damaged, just slightly “why does everything feel like it did leg day?” in my dick, kinda way.

Latex sleeves change that equation.

They’re thinner and softer, but still hold on tighter in all the right ways. Because there’s less material between skin and pressure, the suction feels smoother and more mouth‑like. The latex doesn’t have the same ribbed “chew” as silicone, so there’s far less of that surface battering. The result is:

• more direct suction,
• more forgiving surface feel,
• less post‑session “okay, that might’ve been a bit much.”

The vacuum still absolutely has teeth, but the latex makes it feel more like a greedy mouth than a textured tube trying to prove a point. Longer edging sessions become much more sustainable, and the whole experience leans sensual instead of accidental impact play.

Latex does demand respect: gentle handling, clean sharp cuts when sizing, and water‑based lube only. Treated like lingerie for the machine rather than a disposable afterthought, it pays off hard – especially paired with that black seal.

Scripts, Valves, Mounts, and the Hands-Free Fantasy

On paper, VacuGlide 2 plus funscripts equals infinite variety. In reality, there are caveats and some very specific hardware quirks.

Most existing community scripts were written for toys that just move up and down, not toys that also have a valve and vacuum logic. So while VacuGlide 2 can follow the timing and intensity of those scripts, the air valve does not get any special choreography unless a tool is built specifically for it.

That means:

• Start a script with the valve closed and it will usually stay that way for the entire video.
• Want the stroke to gradually shorten, then lengthen again mid scene? Right now that still means touching the valve by hand, which is not exactly the hands free fantasy being sold. Fix it, Dice.

Official built in modes and Autopilot at least make clever, deliberate use of the valve, even if they insist on calling edging “plateau.” Third party scripts and tools have not caught up to that part of the hardware yet, and the current generation of FapTap and SyncMo style integrations simply do not talk to VacuGlide 2 reliably. The ecosystem clearly wants to go there, it just is not there today.

Hands free body positioning is its own little adventure. Mounts, clamps, clever furniture placement, and pillows will always be more reliable than expecting gravity and suction to do all the work.

There is a 3D printed desk clamp that is supposed to help by holding the unit at the edge of a desk. On paper that sounds great. In use, the current design tends to point the wrong direction for the hose, so lining up the base, hose, and receiver with an actual human body turns into hose origami. For a seated position, one of the most effective setups ends up being the simplest: run the hose up and over the shoulder so the receiver naturally drops into the lap, then let that little black cap seal do its thing. It looks ridiculous, but it keeps everything in the right place, including during climax, way better than the clamp.

Then there is the ball harness attachment, the “lock it to your body” fantasy piece. On the box it is genius: strap it around the shaft and balls, clip the receiver on, and you become a walking docking station. In reality it is a whole ritual. Get hard, get lubed, try to thread everything through without pinching anything important, convince your balls to un retract, try not to cover your chair in lube, and hope the erection survives the logistics. When it is finally on, it does hold you in place, but the strap sits tight enough around the balls that it drifts from pleasure into “this might be a light torture implement.” Add a sculpted, veiny aesthetic that looks a bit goofy compared to the clean metal tower, and it becomes something you reach for in a very specific mood, not a daily driver. It is definitely not a quick attach and go accessory. I can’t even put it inside out cause then I feel the veins… no dick on dick action for me.

THAT BEING SAID: The fantasy of “lock in, buckle up, let the robots handle it” is very close here, but the most reliable way to get there right now is old fashioned creativity: built in Experiences, Autopilot, the black seal ring, maybe latex sleeves, hose over the shoulder, and a good towel, while the external script tooling and accessory ecosystem catch up to what the hardware is clearly capable of.

UI, UX, and the Secret Menu of Chaos

VacuGlide 2 is one of those toys where the hardware screams “premium,” and the interface mumbles “I was coded at 3 a.m. on two energy drinks.” Does it work? Sure, but is it always intuitive? No.

The Slot System: Modes Hiding in Plain Sight

Internally, VacuGlide 2 treats everything as slots:

• 20 slots for fixed speeds.
• 10 slots for Experiences.

When it powers on, it always boots into a specific slot: the one that currently holds the lowest constant speed. Tap down past that, and suddenly it’s in Experience land, even though there’s no screen saying “hey, this is Mode 7, brace yourself.”

It works once favorite routines are memorized, but it absolutely feels like a secret menu.

The saving grace is the web app. There, modes and speeds can be dragged around, a favorite Experience can be dropped into the “boot slot,” and the offline startup behavior can be set so the machine wakes up already doing the right thing.

A simple Mode button with a tiny display would have solved all of this. Instead, there’s a very powerful engine controlled by vibes and muscle memory. I would also love to see these being able to be triggered when connected VIA wifi as I find these experiences to be superb and since they talk about creating new ones, the potential for them to be plugged into an audio book or favorite video is endless, if we can use the app for them!

Autopilot Settings vs Human Brains

Autopilot’s controls are powerful but written like a whitepaper:

• Plateau time.
• Pause frequency.
• Edge level.

What they’re actually dialing in is how long it works hard, how teasy or brutal the edging is, and how often it backs away from the edge versus dumping everything over it.

Once those sliders are tuned, Autopilot is some of the best “set and forget” edging available in a consumer toy. Getting there just requires ignoring the clinical wording and thinking in terms of “more tease” vs “less tease, more finish.” Not to mention, I feel like it doesn’t have any actual understandable, variety as I mentioned earlier.

Web App & Library

The browser interface for control is functional but unsexy. It does the job; it could definitely be prettier and more responsive. The synced video library is HUGE(This is constantly pitched to us as a selling point!), but searching and filtering it feels like scrolling through a slightly cursed tube site from 2012. You could have all the content in the world but if you cannot find it, not much content at all, I often see the same 10 videos over and over and over! You also cannot copy a video URL as it is currently programmed and open said bookmark when connected to return to your favorite video, it goes to a load page for other stuff.

Don’t get me started on the “load more” button. GIVE ME PAGINATION!

Because third‑party tools don’t fully support VacuGlide 2 yet, this is the main playground for interactive content right now. The upside: it all works out of the box. The downside: power users are going to be itching for better tagging, smarter search, and richer controls. The good news is that those are all software problems, not hardware limitations.

Cleanup, Size, and Living With the Beast

Owning a VacuGlide of any generation is less like owning a toy and more like owning an appliance.

Cleanup is straightforward but not instant: sleeves come out and rinse like any stroker, tubes and seals need occasional flushing, and everything needs time to dry. Too much lube can get sucked into the plastic bits and cause charming little fart noises/sticky residue and extra cleaning, so vigilance is key.

Storage is its own thing. The backpack is actually great: everything packs down into something that reads as camera gear instead of “illegal lab equipment” – but this is never going to be a sock‑drawer toy. A VacuGlide session is an event, not a quick detour.

So… Should VacuGlide 1 Owners Upgrade?

Short version:

• If the original VacuGlide already lives rent‑free in a brain, VacuGlide 2 is the same fantasy with more control, more variety, and way more ways to play.
• If V1’s brutally simple, offline nature is the entire appeal and the idea of Wi‑Fi, apps, and modes sounds exhausting, the upgrade is less urgent.

The suction, the smoothness, the milking power: that’s all the same. The price bump buys:

• Extra‑slow stroking and more granular speed control.
• Built‑in modes that can edge and tease without manual effort.
• An AI Autopilot that actually feels unnervingly good at its job.
• Remote play, shared control links, and interactive porn support.
• Firmware updates and room for the ecosystem to grow once tools like FapTap and SyncMo catch up.

VacuGlide 1 was already one of the most intense hands‑free toys around. VacuGlide 2 keeps that core, then straps a whole software layer on top that makes it feel less like a motor and more like a collaborator.

Final Thoughts: Slow, Steady, Unapologetically Extra

VacuGlide has always been about a specific kind of decadence: give the machine a body, let it quietly work until everything is wrung out. Version 2 doesn’t change that core experience: it just gives that same milking engine more ways to play.

It’s still heavy. It’s still ridiculous to explain to anyone outside this world. It still turns orgasms into something that feels pulled out rather than pushed out.

The difference now is that the machine can:

• Tease for an hour without being touched.
• React to what’s happening on screen.
• Listen to an AI persona and adjust in real time.
• Take orders from someone miles away.

“Slow, steady, unstoppable” was already the VacuGlide brand. With Version 2, add one more word: smart.

And if the idea of a vacuum milker with a brain makes some very specific parts sit up and pay attention… yeah. That’s exactly who this thing is built for.

Once the world gets their hands on this and the third party sites and scripters pull it all apart, this is poised to be the best sex toy to hit the market since The Handy!