The Howard Stern Sybian dream finally showed up at my door
Before we get into the machine itself, let me save the weirdest people on the internet some time.
If you think you have discovered the mother lode of blackmail because I openly write about sex tech, I have disappointing news for you, I write OPENLY about SEX TECH (lol). This is not some dark secret. This is me being exactly who I have always been, which is a person who gets wildly curious about strange technology and then decides the only honest way to talk about it is to actually use it. I believe in sex positivity, curiosity, and trying cool things that might make life better, weirder, funnier, hotter, or all four at once. Of course I am going to keep sticking my dick in every cool or possibly cool machine I can get my hands on as this category keeps evolving. That is not blackmail. That is called having interests. And I am not selfish so I share with the good people of the internet! Good luck with your expose, detectives.
If you decide this giant mechanical throne of bad decisions and good times belongs in your home, here it is: https://bvibe.pxf.io/xJLJEv
Now let’s talk about why this machine lit up a very old memory in my brain.
If you grew up watching Howard Stern, chances are you remember the Sybian segments. I do not mean vaguely. I mean burned-into-your-skull remember. There was something so absurd and mesmerizing about watching this enormous machine roll into the room, somebody sit on it half laughing and half pretending they had this totally under control, and then watching all of that confidence disappear the second the thing actually got going. Howard’s show made the Sybian feel like this mythical piece of future-sex-tech nonsense that normal people were never actually going to own, but a lot of us never forgot it. I definitely didn’t. For years I had the same thought every time I saw one of those clips. One day I want to get one of those for my partner.
That is why the Cowgirl hit me the way it did. It is not literally a Sybian, and I am not going to pretend it is some one-to-one clone of that legacy machine, but spiritually it lives in the same neighborhood. In my head, this is Sybian 2.0. The official Sybian story traces that machine back to Dave Lampert’s work in Illinois, with the concept born in the 1970s, prototypes in 1985, and the eventual iconic saddle built around powerful vibration, rotation, padded covering, and handles. The current Sybian still leans into dual-motor intensity with up to 6,500 RPM vibration and 120 RPM rotation, which is why the Cowgirl feels less like some random sex machine and more like the polished modern continuation of that same fantasy.
What the Cowgirl does differently is drag that old idea into the current era. Instead of something that feels like it escaped from a secret room in an industrial park or medical room, you get a sleek padded saddle in black faux leather, app and remote control, rotating and vibrating attachments, global adapters, and a design language that is clearly trying to say “luxury machine” instead of “medical mystery.” This is the equivalent of the hats you see in Yellowstone not Westworld!
This is not a toy you hide. This is a machine you now have to live with.
The first thing I need to explain is that the Cowgirl is not “large for a sex toy.” The Cowgirl is just large. Period. The official Cowgirl storefront lists the machine at 16.7 by 13.4 by 10.9 inches and 24.5 pounds, built from vegan leather, steel aluminum, and ABS plastic, with 100 percent silicone attachments. That same storefront lists a maximum noise level of 98 dB measured from 10 inches away and says the machine is built to support up to 400 pounds. That is not bedside drawer territory. That is not “I will just tuck this into a tote bag and nobody will notice.” That is furniture-adjacent. That is now part of your home.
And honestly, I love and hate that haha.
One of the reasons a lot of sex tech disappoints me is because it feels measly. It wants to be cute, tiny, almost embarrassed of itself. The Cowgirl is the opposite. The first time I really looked at it, I laughed because it felt like the machine equivalent of somebody walking into a room in leather boots and are a Dutton, ok maybe my last Yellowstone reference… maybe. It knows exactly what it is. It also knows you are going to have to figure out where to store it, because “hidden discreetly somewhere” stops being a serious plan the second you actually unbox the thing. The official materials even mention easy-grip handles for transport and storage, which is the most polite corporate way imaginable of saying, “Yes, this thing is huge, please lift responsibly.” When I was moving it around, I thought AWESOME new toy! Then I thought, huh, when my cousin comes over, where the HELL do I put this?! It def won’t fit under the bed!
Where that becomes funny is when the reality sets in. A lot of toys are purchases. This thing is a lifestyle decision. Once it arrives, you are not asking whether you like it. You are asking where in your house a Cowgirl lives. Bedroom corner? Closet if you are an optimist? That one weird piece of storage furniture that nobody opens when company comes over? Put some flowers on top?! These are real questions. I still do not have a perfect answer, and honestly I think that is part of the charm. It is ridiculous. It is excessive. It is very funny to own something this committed to the bit.
The specs are ridiculous, but the kind of ridiculous I actually respect
The Cowgirl is a mains-powered ride-on sex machine with a saddle-style seat, a corded LED remote, app control, rotating and vibrating attachments, a slip-resistant base, and an included “Ride to Guide,” which is both practical and also exactly the kind of unnecessarily theatrical naming I appreciate. b-Vibe’s public product materials mention six vibration patterns, 360-degree rotation, global adapters for US, UK, AUS, and EU plugs, long-distance play via the Cowgirl app and Kiiroo FeelMe integration, and two included silicone attachments called Rawhide and Wild West. The same public materials also mention both 6,500 RPM and 1,200 RPM figures, although they do not clearly explain on the public page how those two numbers divide between vibration and rotation. The Cowgirl storefront bundle also lists springs and plastic stems in the box, which matters more than it sounds like it should.
Pricing on this thing is also hilariously sale-happy. At the time I checked, the main b-Vibe product page showed the Cowgirl at $999 down from $1,750, while other b-Vibe catalog pages showed the same machine at $1,450 on promotion from $1,750. The direct Cowgirl storefront also showed $1,750 list pricing. So yes, the official pricing appears to fluctuate depending on where you land, which means this is one of those products where checking the current deal before buying is not optional unless you enjoy paying extra for the exact same vibrating saddle. They really need to fix this. They are a pretty cool company so I expect after this it will be resolved.
I actually do not mind the machine being over the top on paper, because this is one of those categories where understatement is usually code for disappointment. If I am dragging a 24.5-pound vibrating saddle into my home and trying to explain to myself why this is a perfectly normal thing for an adult man to be excited about, I do not want “pretty good.” I want the spec sheet to look slightly stupid. I want the machine to sound like it was designed by somebody who understood that the entire fantasy here is excess. The Cowgirl gets that. Even the materials have that luxury-meets-industrial feel to them. Vegan leather on the seat, silicone attachments, steel and ABS in the body, remote and app control, global power options. It all says the same thing. This is not trying to be a novelty. It is trying to be the big stupid serious one.
Everybody knows what this looks like it was made for. The surprise is how well it also works for men.
Let’s get the obvious part out of the way.
Nobody looks at a machine shaped like this and goes, “Ah yes, a product with mysterious use cases.” The core pitch is obvious. This is built around a woman being able to sit on it, ride it, grind on it, play with angle and pressure, and let the machine do what machines do best, which is repeat an action harder and longer than a human hand ever wants to. That part is not hidden. The included attachments reflect that too. Rawhide is the external option. Wild West is the insertable option.
The broader attachment system is advertised as ranging from non-penetration to penetration to double penetration, which should tell you immediately that the platform itself is meant to scale from “I am curious” to “I made eye contact with the abyss and bought accessories.”
What I do not think gets talked about enough is that men can use this machine and get insane results!
I think a lot of men see a machine like this and assume it only becomes relevant to them once things get wildly adventurous. Not true. One of the most interesting things about the Cowgirl is how much it can do before you ever need to jump straight to penetration. The machine is capable of providing powerful orgasms to men and women alike, and the included and optional attachments cover varied degrees of penetrative and non-penetrative stimulation. The Cowgirl storefront even says the shape is engineered to align with the bodies of both men and women. Cool right?
The vibration alone is powerful enough that simply getting into the right position and letting the machine do its thing will be a great ride! For men, there is a very real path into this machine that starts with nothing more than pressure, vibration, and exploring how the outside of your body responds before you ever decide whether you want to graduate into anything more insertive. That, to me, is one of the smartest things about the platform. It leaves room for curiosity. It does not demand that you already knowing what kind of rider you are.
My own hands-free story
For years the fantasy here was never just “big machine go buzz.” It was always that Howard Stern moment where the person on top of the Sybian stops trying to act cool because the machine has simply taken over too much of the job. That was always what fascinated me. Not the spectacle, but the surrender of it. The idea that a machine could do so much of the work that your body eventually stops negotiating and just gives in. That was the thing male toys always seemed to promise and almost never fully delivered.
The Cowgirl is the closest I have ever personally gotten to that actual hands-free orgasm, and I was in the ‘this is for girls only’ category!
I’m serious too. I utilized the snugplug (the little weighted guy from the beginners prostate play kit)
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Sad on the normal no insertion attachment called Rawhide, and off to the races. I got on the thing fully expecting to treat it like a test session. Play with the settings. Try the remote. Get a feel for the pressure. Laugh about how absurd this whole category still is and that I am riding a tiny bull in my house. Instead, what happened was that the machine got stronger, the pressure built faster than I expected, and I had one of those very specific moments where you realize reaching in to “assist” would actually be interrupting. That was it. I was sold. Not some fake porn-movie moment. Not some performative internet nonsense. Just the very real realization that the machine had done enough on its own that my brain was no longer in charge and pure biology had politely asked me to get out of the way. That is why you pay a lot of money for a lot of power between your legs.
And that is also why I think it is so exciting as foreplay tech with a partner.
Because once you understand that the machine is capable of getting somebody to that cliff on its own, the remote and app control stop feeling like novelty features and start feeling like power dynamics. The Cowgirl uses a corded LED remote, app control through the Cowgirl app, and long-distance control options through Kiiroo FeelMe. Perfect to use alone, with a partner, or even in a group, and the app’s preset “Patterns” mode is designed to vary rotation and vibration automatically. That means one person can ride while the other person controls pace, pattern, and escalation, which is exactly the kind of stupidly fun, sex-positive ingenuity I love seeing real engineering effort poured into.
If you have ever wanted foreplay to feel less like “we brought in a toy” and more like “we brought in a machine and now we are all just trying to stay composed,” this is that lane. Safe words may be needed.
The attachments and stems matter more than I expected
One of the easiest ways to make a review like this go bad is to mention attachments like they are just random bonus parts thrown into the box. They are not. The attachment system is the whole point of why the Cowgirl can move between external and internal play, beginner and advanced play, women and men, solo and partnered use. The official product bundle includes Rawhide, Wild West, the corded LED remote, a global adapter with every plug imaginable, and a set of springs and plastic stems. That last part sounds boring until you realize it is actually one of the smartest details in the whole machine.
The replacement parts page spells it out more clearly than the main product page does. The plastic rods hold the attachment in place and provide vibrations that can range from strong to mild, while the springs are what allow the rotation to really do its job and give you something more tailored. In plain English, the rod makes things feel more fixed and direct, while the spring adds a softer, more rolling, more dynamic feel to the attachment’s motion. That means you are not just changing shapes when you swap setups. You are changing how the whole machine behaves under your body. That is real design thinking, and I love it.
This is also why I keep coming back to the idea that men should not write this off as a novelty they are “not the target for.” The stems, the attachments, the external use, the pressure changes, the ability to explore the outside first and decide later how adventurous you want to get, all of that makes the machine much more flexible than its first impression suggests. It is actually a whole toolkit to the rimming/anal play you may want!
The Unicorn is hysterical fun, but the black Cowgirl is the classy one
I will fully admit the Unicorn version almost got me on aesthetics alone, because there is a part of me that will always respect a company willing to make a machine that looks like it escaped from a rainbow dungeon fever dream. The Unicorn is basically the Cowgirl after somebody let Lisa Frank and a kink fairy collaborate on the mood board. It keeps the same core formula, including 6,500 RPM, 360-degree swivel rotation, six vibration patterns, app or remote control, vegan leather, and two silicone attachments, but then adds a detachable 19.5-inch rainbow tail flogger. It is absolute nonsense in the best possible way.
But if I am being honest about what I would actually want living in my space, the black Cowgirl wins easily. It looks like luxury. It looks like the grown-up version of this entire category. The padded sides, the black faux leather, the cleaner silhouette, all of it makes the machine feel less like “let’s ride a unicorn into orgasm Valhalla” and more like “this is a serious luxury machine built for serious fun.” The Unicorn is the party girl. The black Cowgirl is the one you advertise on Hinge. And because this machine is so large and so impossible to hide, I actually care about that. If it is going to sit in my home like some strange piece of sex furniture, there is something very satisfying about it looking sleek instead of screaming fantasy carnival.
That difference also helps make the Sybian 2.0 point land for me. The old Sybian built its legend by being intense, unmistakable, and just a little intimidating. The Cowgirl keeps that same spirit, but wraps it in something more polished and frankly more luxurious. It still has the oversized presence, the absurd power, the padded saddle, and the “you now own a machine” reality of the old-school concept. It just feels like someone finally asked what would happen if that whole category grew up, got prettier, learned Bluetooth, and started charging premium prices with a straight face.
The good, the bad, and the apartment-shaking
The good is easy. The Cowgirl is overbuilt in exactly the way I want a machine like this to be. It has real materials, serious power, app and manual control, included adapters, included attachments, and a design that feels like it was made by people who understood that this category lives or dies on whether it can actually justify its size. It also ships discreetly in plain packaging, bills under COTR, Inc., and comes with a one-year limited warranty plus that 50 percent lifetime quality guarantee backup if the machine dies after the initial coverage window. That is all solid.
The bad is also easy. You cannot hide this thing in any meaningful way. You can move it, sure. You can cover it, sure. But hide it? Not really. This is not a stealth purchase. It is also the kind of product where returns are exactly what you would expect in this category. b-Vibe says pleasure products may not be returned or exchanged unless defective, warranty claims require proof of purchase, and opened non-defective products are generally final sale. That all makes sense, but it also means you should be pretty sure you want the giant vibrating saddle before you commit to the giant vibrating saddle.
The apartment-shaking part is the funniest bit because it is both a joke and not a joke. The Cowgirl storefront lists 98 dB from 10 inches away. The smaller Cowgirl Saddle lists 72 dB max. They include a floor mat meant to help contain those powerful vibrations and dampen the experience for the floor beneath it. But I just wasn’t ready for the reality of this. If you live upstairs, this machine is not just your business. It is potentially your building’s business. If you are not on the first floor, I would think long and hard about what this thing is sitting on. Mattress, platform bed, hardwood, whatever. This is one of those products where “surface selection” suddenly becomes part of your sex life. But even then, you may not get away with this if you don’t live in a private home, I had it on the lowest setting and was nervous the landlord would come up thinking I was doing un-approve construction. NOT A JOKE.
It is loud. It is proud. It is not pretending to be quiet little wellness tech. It is a power machine, and power machines tend to announce themselves. Even if that means you broke your lease and have to move for SEX SCIENCE!
Final thoughts
What I like most about the Cowgirl is that it finally made a very old fantasy a reality.
For years the Sybian lived in my head as this hilarious, impossible, larger-than-life thing I had only ever seen through the lens of Howard Stern chaos. The Cowgirl took that old fascination and translated it into something more modern, more adaptable, and honestly more interesting than I expected. It is still ridiculous. It is huge. It is still the kind of object that makes you laugh when you remember it is now in your house. But it is also smart in the places that count. The attachment system is smart. The stems are smart. The external-to-internal range is smart. The remote and app control are smart. And the hands-free potential is real enough that I finally understood why machines like this never leave some people’s brains once they discover them.
Would I call it cheap? No. Would I call it practical? Not exactly. Would I call it unforgettable? Absolutely.
And if you are the kind of person who has ever watched some absurd piece of sex tech on a screen and thought, “I need to know whether that is actually incredible or just a ‘for tv” moment,” the Cowgirl is exactly the kind of machine that makes that curiosity feel justified.
If you want to check it out, here is the link again: https://bvibe.pxf.io/xJLJEv
Just maybe think about your floor situation first.
